Rich, successful men suddenly want to have sex with many, many women, and the nation's top scientists are called in to put a stop to the epidemic. After extensive testing, some of the boys in South Park Elementary are diagnosed as sex addicts. The search for a cure to the outbreak of sexual addiction leads them all the way to Independence Hall.
Template:Spoiler Cartman and Kenny start things off by playing the latest Tiger Woods golf-game, Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2011, which in truth is more of a domestic abuse fighting game in which Tiger Woods and his wife beat each other following Tiger's constant sexual affairs. Meanwhile, a group of American scientists begin to question why so many men (particularly those who are rich and famous) are having so many sexual affairs. Rather than admit that men are to blame for their own actions, they begin to and justify a man's desire for sex by claiming that it's due to a disease called "sex addiction". In order to prove their case, they run a series of test among children, from 4th grade through high school. After one of their tests, Kyle, Kenny and Butters are diagnosed as being sex addicts, during which the doctor administering the test informs them that their addiction will eventually result in them killing themselves due to auto-erotic asphyxiation in a Batman costume (a concept that Kenny finds exciting and later does). When his mother calls him for dinner, she finds him dead from auto-erotic asphyxiation, much to her horror.
At the funeral for Kenny, Kyle and Butters begin to grow more and more disturbed by their "condition", with Butters becoming obsessed by a woman's pubic hair and Kyle trying to fight the possible future addiction. Cartman and Stan however seem oblivious more or less to their friend's problems, instead fixating on the Tiger Woods fight/golf game.
In order to fight their "problem" Kyle and Butters check into the Karne Institute for Sex Addiction. With them in the center are Michael Douglas, Michael Jordan, Ben Roethlisberger, David Duchovny, Charlie Sheen, David Letterman, Bill Clinton, Billy Bob Thornton, Kobe Bryant, Eliot Spitzer, and of course, Tiger Woods. However, rather than admitting to their own faults and poor judgment, the center instead places the blame on the fact that they got CAUGHT cheating, and does not bother to teach them to control their impulses. When Kyle calls the counselor on this, the counselor instead calls the scientists behind the study and saying "we've got a turd in the punch-bowl".
The scientists meanwhile run a series of test involving chimpanzees, who get cash and begin to demonstrate the same behavior as those like Tiger Woods, including having cheating on his mate with assorted other females, being beaten by his mate, and them making a press-conference apology. The scientists take their findings to President Obama, who claims that the source of the addiction could only have come from one source: The alien that crashed at Roswell, New Mexico released a sex addiction virus. Claiming that the alien is housed at Independence Hall. He starts a team to go find the supposed alien and kill it. The members of the sex addiction rehab clinic are meanwhile helicoptered out to Independence Hall to be 'cured'.
At Independence Hall, the President leads his strike force and where they claim the alien must be invisible, making him a wizard alien. As this claim is made, one of the soldiers finally breaks, deciding that the whole 'wizard alien' explanation has finally became too ridiculous. He goes on to say that they that every time some celebrity has an affair guys act like they don't understand why they would do that just so they won't be put together with the celebrities, but given the same opportunities they had then a normal man may do the same thing. He finishes by saying that while they shouldn't condone the celebrities behavior men shouldn't act like they don't understand why they do it. Upon this, he is captured by his fellow soldiers and dressed up in a poorly made wizard alien costume. Meanwhile, Kyle and Butters who are selected to help the task force to kill the wizard alien. Giving them guns and releasing the soldier in the costume, the President, scientist and soldiers use a strobe light to convince Kyle and Butters to shoot the soldier several times until they finally kill him. Meanwhile all the members of the sex addiction center begin dancing around outside in an over dramatic fashion claiming to have been 'cured' with the death of the 'alien'.
Kyle and Butters are given medals and are asked how they feel. Kyle, who seems confused and concerned about the course of events, says reluctantly he is fine and Butters begins ranting that he doesn't want to see bush again after at last paying a woman to let him see it in real life and feeling disgusted by the ugly "Joker-lips" that he saw beneath it. President Obama meanwhile goes on to say that when celebrities have sex with multiple girls, it's not because guys are like that, it's because some wizard alien has cast his horrible spell. Woods then gives a speech saying that it's good that the sex addiction is gone and that he can be faithful to his wife. He also states that his wife won't have to get revenge by sleeping with a bunch of guys (at which point his wife gives him a shifty-eyed look but says nothing, implying that she will sleep with other guys) and that he will return to golf.
The end of the episode shows Cartman and Stan playing a new golf game and it has Woods back and it's just normal golf. Cartman gets mad, stating "Where's all the fighting?". Both he and Stan drop the game controllers and leave, saying golf is boring again.
- "Sexual Healing (Season 14, Episode 1) - Episode Guide". southparkstudios.com.