Are You There God? It's Me, Jesus
|"Are You There God? It's Me, Jesus"|
|Episode no.||Season 3|
|First aired||December 29, 1999|
The year 1999 is almost at an end, and Stan, Kyle and Kenny discuss their New Year's Eve plans. Cartman then rushes up to them and explains that he received his period because blood came out of his anus. They do not believe him initally.
They later ask a female passerby about it. She initially hesitates telling them but then so. They then believe what Cartman said.
Meanwhile, the press and the South Park residents crowd outside of Jesus' house, thinking he will do something special for the new millennium. Jesus is surprised by this, and it dawns on him that he will have a chance for a comeback. He steps outside, and the people claim that they want to see God. Jesus tells them that he will consider it and heads back inside his house.
Shortly after, Jesus visits Heaven and asks God if he will show up to everyone for New Year's Eve. He denies and says that the people are unprepared to see his presence. This causes Jesus to come up with another plan: organizing a comeback concert for Rod Stewart in Las Vegas and inviting everyone there.
Meanwhile at Kenny's home, Kenny is in the bathroom and discovers that he had also bled out of his anus. He gets excited, believing that he also had his period. However, a news report later reveals that a colon infection is spreading through South Park (the boys do not see it and remain oblivious).
Kenny explains to his friends about his period. Because of this, Kyle feels left out, and he later consults his baby brother Ike on the problem. He eventually decides to lie to them about having his period.
After Kyle's false revelation, Stan is disheartened and believes to be the only one of them to have not had his period. He is especially heartbroken when others form a treehouse club for "mature people only".
Stan later goes to Chef for advice. Chef believes an important female in his life. He first believes it to be Stan's older sister Shelly, to which he denies, and then Wendy, to which he also denies. He then sings a song about the menstrual cycle; Stan interprets that he has to wait for his period. Chef is surprised by that.
Dr. Mephesto is the next person Stan asks for help. Mephesto asks him if he knows somebody who never reached puberty; Stan lies that his father never did, and Mephesto gives him tablets to deliver to his father. Stan takes the whole bottle outside and hopes for a menstrual period.
The pills have not helped Stan receive his menstrual period, although he developed facial hair, breasts, and got a deeper voice. Cartman still prohibits him from joining his group.
In their club, the boys discuss spirituality and even insert tampons up their rectums. Kenny eventually dies by doing this.
Jesus managed to get Rod Stewart to play in Las Vegas, despite Rod being old, living in a nursing home and having little bowel control.
Rod Stewart appears during the concert and barely sings, leading the audience to dislike the presentation. They demand for God's presence. He does not appear, so they prepare to crucify Jesus another time. He goes to sulk with Stan. Stan explains his problem to Jesus, who then tells him that God cannot deal with everybody's problems or there would be no point on living.
Upon saying this, Jesus realizes that he should have not relied on God for popularity, but has to make the effort himself.
As the crowd continues to have an outburst, a beam of light (God) appears from the sky and goes on to the stage. He appears in front of everyone as a fusion of various animals. This surprises everyone. God explains he will answer one question for the new millennium. The crowd all try to come up with a question carefully, but Stan seizes their opportunity and asks God why he never received his period unlike the other boys.
God explains to him that Cartman and Kenny have a colon infection while Kyle just lied about having it. He then says that he will answer one more question on New Year's Eve 4000 and departs back to Heaven. The crowd is unhappy that Stan used up their question, but he celebrates by singing "Auld Lang Syne" happily.
Lastly, the credits roll, and the others chase after and attack Stan.